Apparently, neither is waking up early. Sorry for the late posting, everyone. My West Coastness is showing.

So, I've been pondering my career quite a bit lately. Ever hear that phrase, "My eyes were bigger than my stomach"? It took me a long time to realize what it meant, but I'm starting to get the feeling that when it comes to publishing, my eyes have been way too wide.

It started as I was squinting into thin air and my husband realized I was attempting to think ahead---never a good idea without paper and/or liquor. So, when I told him I was pondering my career and where I want to go with it, he says, "Well, what's your goal?"

Tricky question. Apparently, "I want to be rich and famous." is not a correct answer.

"I want to sell multi-book contracts and write for a very good living. And up until recently, I wanted that all as soon as I could possibly get it."

"But you don't now?"

So I tell him what's really crossing my mind. A friend of mine just sold and while I'm really happy for her, I'm also realizing...she's got a LOT to do. She has two other publishers and her career is really moving now. And me, being the imaginative schmoo that I am, wondered what it would be like in her shoes. Wouldn't it feel glamourous? Wouldn't it be thrilling? And then I realized...

I'd be scared out of my ever lovin' mind.

I can't even manage to get away from the kids long enough to make a sandwich for myself. I write by dangling my arms off the couch to touch type with my fingertips or when they're asleep. I edit by printing out manuscripts and playing keep away with the notebook while the babies bat at my pen. My house looks like a bomb hit it. I can tell when to clean my kitchen by smell.

Sure I make my deadlines and as the girls get bigger, they are less and less interested in what I'm doing, but I am not ready to have tons of contracts overlapping each other for three publishers. That could be up to 12 books a year. That's like going to a buffet and promising yourself you're going to at least taste everything because you've never seen so much food in your life. It'll taste great. Good luck processing all that.

My friend built her career over time. She knows exactly how much time is in her schedule per day. She's following her plan. I'm just getting one together. I need to find my own success at a reasonable pace. I realize that now.

"So what are you looking so miserable about?" he asks.

"Because I want it now." It's like the eternal author dilemma. Publishing takes so long, but we have to work double time just to stay in the game. It can be hard wrestling your dreams into waiting.

Hubby gave me his version of a sympathetic look. He shrugged and told me to get over it.

It'd be so much easier to get mad at him if he weren't right. The business isn't going to change. But as I get further along, my goals will. I still want to be rich and famous some day. I just have to tweak the patience a little more and accept that day will not be tomorrow.

But you never know. It could be.

And that's how I realized we all manage to keep up the patience we don't naturally have. Because Hope is just a little stronger than we knew.