Honesty
I once asked my husband if he’d rather get new breasts for me or a bass boat for him, since the cost was roughly equivalent. He didn’t even look up from the paper when he said, “Bass boat.”
Now I had no intention of getting expand-o breasts (or a bass boat for him, for that matter). I was just curious as to whether for one brief moment I would see a “now that would be fun” gleam in his eye. No. He was happy with what I had, saw no need for more. (Which is pretty good when you consider that I once wrote a blog about him being a likes-more kind of guy.) My husband is very honest. When I ask for his opinion, I’d better want the truth. So…sometimes I don’t ask.
I can remember only one exception to this. We’d been married for a little over two years and were living in a tiny, tiny town in rural Nevada for the summer, working on a geology contract. The not quite so tiny town 60 miles away had a beauty shop. (If you are starting to hear the theme from some creepy movie here, you’re getting the picture.) I needed to do something with my hair. Anything. I was almost a thousand miles away from Ron, my hairdresser who learned to cut hair in prison, but did a bang up job on my hair (I guess I have the kind of hair they get to practice on in prison) and I was feeling desperate. I made an appointment for a cut and a body wave at The Beauty Shop.
Are you familiar with body waves? They are supposed to impart body and volume to your hair. Big rods, not much time in the chemicals. I even brought in a photo of a mod London-style hairdo with a minor amount of wave to show the alleged stylist. I may as well have said, “Give me the Ronald McDonald and I’d like it extra short on top. Oh, and while you’re at it, can you kind of make it longer on the sides so it’ll puff out over the top of my ears a little, giving me that cool Bozo look?” (Why settle for one clown when you can have two?)
I gotta tell you, when she swung the chair around to show me my new look in the mirror…well, the next thing I remember are the smelling salts. After I recovered, I drove back to the smaller town, across 60 miles of empty desert, with one eye in the rearview mirror telling myself, “It’s not that bad,” while my more honest self was saying, “Who are you trying to kid? It’s that bad and then some."
Everyone on the crew knew I had taken the day off to get my hair done, so I had to go and let them see the damage while I was still a little shell shocked myself. I went to the bar where my husband and the rest of the geology crew met after work. They turned, they saw me and, I swear, the jukebox stopped playing. Not one muscle in any of their faces moved. Then the guys started looking over my shoulder, at their drinks, at my husband--anywhere but at my hair. Finally my husband, knowing the ball was fully in his court, pulled himself up a little taller and said in a voice that dared anyone to disagree, “I like it.” And then he put his arm around me and handed me his beer. I would have rather had his hat, but I must have looked like I needed a stiff drink. I did. Talk and laughter resumed. The jukebox started playing again.
Is it any wonder we’re still married more than two decades later? That’s the only time he’s flat out lied to me about my appearance. And I love him for it because it allowed me to lie to myself while my hair grew out.
So, do you have any stories about husbands telling it like it is? Or not telling it like it is? I’d love to hear them.
What a fantastic story!
Love that, Jeannie! What a guy.
Mike is very much the same -- no BS, he'll tell me what he thinks, and I know it will be kind but unvarnished. I prefer that. Never hurtful, but definitely what he really thinks.
This means a lot to me because I know I can trust him and that's so important, especially with things like having him read my ms, which he did for me on the final draft of my mystery. He's smart, and he's critical, and he's a writer and he's a reader. I knew he'd tell me how it is. I was possibly more nervous having him read it for that reason, because I knew he'd really tell me. When he told me it was as good as many of the other mainstream books he'd read lately, I knew I could trust that, and that's worth gold to me.
He will also be honest if clothes don't fit right, if shoes are ugly (we have a humorous agreement that I can only buy shoes if he sees them first, LOL), though he will often take the middle ground on something like a bad haircut -- he might say something like "It will grow out," LOL or "It looks fine. It's different." I mean, let's face it, we already know when something is hideous, don't we? LOL In front of other people, he would likely do what your hubby did.
Personally, I will go for honesty every time, and if I don't want an honest opinion, then I don't ask.
Sam
I'm with you, Sam. Better
I'm with you, Sam. Better to know. Haven't we all seen people and think, "if only someone would clue them in." Of course sometimes people do try to "clue" but the cluee just sees things differently--which is fine.
I do think we are married to guys of similar temperments. I still recall your description of Mike being focused--like a hairy laser. That still makes me smile.
OMG the focus...
It's incredible. It's like he can turn his entire body and brain into a task. I can do that sometimes, but not on a daily basis.
But yes... and I'll tell you, the first time I asked him to turn that focus in my direction and read a synopsis for me, when he sent it back to me with the comments, it was in an email that just said "Remember I love you." LOL
Sam
What sweet hubbies!
Jeannie--I think I love your husband. Does he give lessons on how to say and do the right thing when it really matters? You are so cute together. You're the MEGA cute family! Geesh, share some of that cuteness, will ya? The rest of the world needs some too! ;-)
Sam--Your hubby sounds very down-to-earth and solid. Two very good attributes, IMO. :-) We all need that person in our lives to let us know -gently- when we've taken a wrong turn at Alberquerke (sp)
Thanks for sharing!
Kim--More than once Jamie
Kim--More than once Jamie and I have mentioned how cute you and your hubbie are--especially when you were dancing at the HQN party. I love that you guys married young, when many of us do not have clue as to what we want in a mate, and are so obviously in love many years later. Cool.
Definitely!
Awe, Jeannie and Sam - you are two lucky ladies with what sound like fabulous guys.
So sweet!
Maureen
Hey Maureen--if you stop by to read this, please send me your snail mail address to jeanniewrites @ gmail.com so that you can get your prize from my previous blog. Thanks!
Our hubbies must have been
Our hubbies must have been cut from the same cloth. :-) DH is all about honesty. He would have picked the bass boat as well. (Although, then he'd stop and ask if I really wanted bigger boobs...because he's made it quite clear that he likes this size, LOL!) He is absolutely FABULOUS to take clothes shopping, because not only does he pull things from the racks that I never would have touched (and that look fabulous on me), but he is quite honest when he doesn't think something is flattering.
Aahhh...I'm spoiled! Sounds like you both are, too, Jeannie & Sam! :-D
awww shucks..
Thanks Jeannie...you made me smile.
Cool!
Cool!
It's good to be spoiled ;)
It's good to be spoiled ;)
Honesty
First I must tell you how much I have been enjoying all the posts on this site. They have made me really think about all the blessings I have in my life.
Honesty, trust, support (harmless little white lies) equals love in my mind.
Now I want to tell you about a weird moment of honesty that told me how much my husband really loved me. It’s a long story so hope I won’t bore you.
My husband comes from a Mennonite background and dancing is really not part of his thing. We had just been transferred into a new city and I had to have a gall bladder operation. This was back in the days when you got a six inch cut down your belly and visiting hours at the hospital were just that. (I hour in afternoon and I hour in evening) He visited or should I say saw me at both times as I wasn’t very awake either time. The day I had my operation my husband was invited to a pool party by his new boss. We had agreed in advance that he should go. About 4 months later I met his boss’s wife for the first time and she started telling me how much my husband had been the life of their pool party---dancing with all the people etc. Needless to say I was irate. When I confronted him about it this was his wonderful defense. “I was so afraid you were dying. I don’t remember much else about that night.” I realized then how worried he had been but he never showed it to me at the time of the operation just supported my very weepy self through it all. I knew again that he loved me.
Awwww
Darn it, my hubby's at work and I can't go and hug him.
Kaelee
You made me tear up. What a great story. Guys aren't always the best at expressing verbally, but isn't it grand when they do manage to get a point across so poinantly? Thanks for sharing.
My Hubby and I
are, quite honestly, a trip and a half.
He says we're secretly British because we're very polite and use extraneous and unnecessary words like, "quite" and "please", lol.
He's the apparel guy--it's his job--and I'm the fashion disaster. (I know what I like, but I love him because he's never said he didn't know me to anyone.)
I'm a sports freak and he's a Sunday napper.
And yup, he invariably (yet another unnecessary word) tells me the truth. I remember when we were dating, I asked him, "I know you love me. But do you LIKE me?"
Back before I learned the lesson of "Girl Questions: how NOT to ask them unless absolutely necessary".
He answered, "I think I love you more than I like you."
This is when he learned the lesson that Dee is nothing if not dead set on fixing things.
Then one day, a few months later, out of the blue to me despite my dedication to being a bit more outgoing instead of always wanting to huddle at home in a book, and thus eminently more datable, he looks at me and goes, "You know, I think I like you AND I love you."
And he wonders how he ended up married. :)
Wow. I'm loving these
Wow. I'm loving these stories. Thanks, Dee.
Great story Dee
I get my husband on the dance floor now and again by saying that I'm dying for a dance. LOL I am a meanie.
Too funny, Kaelee. I wish I
Too funny, Kaelee. I wish I could get my husband to dance, but I don't think I want to go to the hospital to do it, lol.
Oh man...
Mike is such a good dancer -- really -- and I am Elaine on Seinfeld. And yet he'll still dance with me.
I think he's just trying to hold me in place sometimes, though... *G*
Sam
Awww....
You all are just making me melt with these awesome stories! What awesome husbands! (for the most part ;))
Jeannie, I think I asked my husband a version of the same question (it may have been a new AV system instead of a boat, but same deal...), and got the same sort of answer. Of course, I did briefly wonder whether it just meant that new speakers were more appealing than me ;p
Fedora
What he meant was, of course, was that you're perfect the way you are. :)
See...
I just need someone like you acting as interpreter! Then I can be sure to get the spin on our conversations right :)
Oh, geez...
My hubby's a big BS-er. He's always got something positive to say when I ask him how I look, even if I know I look like hell. Sometimes it's annoying--when I really want to know if my butt looks big in certain pants, etc. so I don't embarrass myself--and sometimes it's reassuring--when I'm having a fat day and I just want him to make me feel better. DH's is a smart guy and he knows my moods pretty well, but even I don't know what I want to hear sometimes, so I don't mind that he takes the positive route for the most part, just in case.
In conversations about things other than my looks, DH is very honest. He's not shy about sharing his opinion and sometimes that leads to some very interesting...erm, discussions in our house. Of course, I'd rather he shoot straight with me about the really important things and sugarcoat the not so important things. All in all, I think my guy's found 'the sweet spot' in the honest department, as it seems like most of the other DH's have, too.
I like that
Sassa, I like that you're honest enough to know that you're not sure what you want to hear sometimes. I think that's true for all of us. When Mike is unsure, he'll just ask me "what role am I supposed to play here?" which I always think is hysterical, but it's also a valid question. And usually I'll tell him "I need you to..."
I'm glad to see so much healthy communication in relationships. I dislike communication traps, such as asking someone a question expecting a certain answer, and then blaming them if they don't give you the right one. That stuff is just covering up other issues, I think.
Sam