Welcome Guest Blogger Meredith Duran!
My first historical romance, The Duke of Shadows, hit the shelves only last Monday. It may seem odd, then, for me to address the subject of writer’s block. Surely, at this early point in my career, I shouldn’t yet have to worry about such things! Then again, I’ve been writing since I was little, and The Duke of Shadows is the fourth or fifth novel-length manuscript I’ve produced, so perhaps it’s not so surprising that I’ve faced a case of the dreaded block. Would it surprise you, though, to know that I’m grateful for the experience?
Flash backward six years. I’d landed an agent for a contemporary novel that riffed on (of all things) popular Indian cinema. That novel had come so easily to me, seeming to materialize from the ether directly onto the page. But the agent couldn’t sell it. No one was interested. Or, they were interested but wanted major revisions. And I do mean MAJOR. Quoth one NY editor: “Love the humor, but could you do something about the main theme of this book? Like, omit it?”
Finally, the agent gave up on the manuscript: “Forget this one,” he said. “Are you working on anything new?”
My fall from elation to despair was sudden and disorienting. And in my head, in the space where the next story should have been, there was only a lightless sense of constriction. Perhaps there was something buried in there? The kernel of the next story? I tried to excavate it. No luck. To grope through, word by painful word. Nothing doing. I surveyed the block from every angle, took aim at it with various slingshots, stubbed my toe trying to kick it open. Meanwhile, the months passed. Hundreds of pages piled up: stories started and abandoned. They all felt wrong. Soon, the simple act of booting Microsoft Word was making my breath come shorter, my pulse escalate.
I didn’t know what to do. I had always thought of myself, first and foremost, as a writer. But if I couldn’t find joy in it, then what was the point? And yet—if I stopped writing, who in the world would I be?
It was at this point that I encountered the section on Laura Kinsale’s website concerning her own encounter with writer’s block. Kinsale has always been my idol; her books are my gold standards for historical romance. Reading about her experiences, I was profoundly moved. I fired off an email to her. By this time, she must have been well into Shadowheart, so the fact that she replied—a thoughtful, encouraging note to a stranger—strikes me, to this day, as immensely generous. So often writers avoid the subject of block, as though even talking about it might cause them to “catch” it!
If I ever am fortunate enough to meet her, I will thank Ms. Kinsale from the bottom of my heart, because her reassurance that a block was just that—an obstacle, not an end—snapped me out of my funk. Suddenly it seemed clear that writer’s block was not a sign that my dreams were “doomed,” that I “wasn’t meant” to be a writer, or any nonsense like that. Indeed, suddenly I found myself asking why I’d ever assumed it to be a “sign” at all.
In short, Ms. Kinsale’s email triggered the development of the precise thing I’d been lacking: faith.
It’s odd to talk about faith in a secular way. I find a lot of people aren’t comfortable with the word outside a religious setting. But what I mean by faith is a very general sense of joy, optimism, and hope. A cynic—like my past self—would point out that it makes no sense to be joyous unless you’ve got good reason to feel so. But what writer’s block taught me is that we can feel pessimism and panic for no apparent reason—and that it can have real, crippling effects. Similarly, what getting out of writer’s block taught me is that joy, optimism, and faith work the very same way. You can feel them for no reason at all, and they can change your life.
Faith, as I see it, is a choice one makes in how one sees the world and one’s work. It is the refusal to approach writing, or life, from a place of fear, cynicism, or doubt. And in my experience, it works a sort of magic on your prose. Once you decide to be hopeful, you start finding reasons that justify your hope. Once you look forward with joy, you spot good stuff waiting in the distance. Apply faith to your writing, and the story begins to lead you forward again.
Why am I grateful for having experienced writer’s block? Because the journey out of it transformed me. At twenty-three, witnessing my dream crumble, I would have proudly called myself a cynic, and pointed to that ill-fated book as proof that my pessimism was justified. But realizing that my cynicism was the key to my writing problems freed me as well as my writing. Six years later, I sit down to write with a sense of anticipation and pleasure. Meanwhile, in my larger life, I’d call myself a “glass half-full” sort of girl; cynicism has no place in my worldview. I owe both of these things to a bad bout of block, and to the well-timed kindness of a stranger.
Welcome Meredith!
Welcome to Cigars, and congratulations on your book! The cover is gorgeous.
I love when you said: Similarly, what getting out of writer’s block taught me is that joy, optimism, and faith work the very same way. You can feel them for no reason at all, and they can change your life.
This gets harder to remember as the years pass, and the rejections, blocks, etc start to pile up -- was telling a friend recently, that as you see the edits come back, the comments, the rejections, the agent comments, etc all of a sudden there are so many things that can pile up in your head and cause exactly these blocks, and worse. You can end up letting it all change your writing -- you start writing to try to head off the negative reactions, and that's the kiss of death, because you aren't writing from the right place any more. I just went through that, and you do have to find your way out. One way is by keeping working, and as you say, having faith in yourself.
It's hard, because even saying "I should be enjoying this" becomes one more source of pressure! LOL
I like your moment of realization while reading the website -- I know when I got the Rita final, the sheer idea that enough people liked one of my books that much healed a whole lot of wounds that had accumulated over the last year or so. It made me go back and look at that book and think about what I do well, and rediscover the faith in that, and all of a sudden, writing was good again.
I think sometimes even having faith in yourself can be a challenge, and we need a boost from someone else, like you got from your mentor, or I got from the Rita. The things that lead us back to ourselves.
Sam
OMG! OMG! OMG!
Welcome Meredith! I'm going to sound like a total fangurl but I can't help it. I've been talking about you all over the internet. I took Ann Aguirre's recommendation and bought THE DUKE OF SHADOWS Tuesday. I finished reading the book yesterday and was absolutely blown away, so much so that I sent you an email last night raving about it. THE DUKE OF SHADOWS is a spectacular story and your writing is exquisite. You had me completely enthralled from the very first page. Thank goodness for Ms. Kinsale and your new-found faith. We readers are the fortunate beneficiaries of both!
I'm off to my volunteer morning at the hospital but I'll be back later to chat and, hopefully, find out what's coming next from your very creative imagination.
~PJ
Welcome, Meredith!!
Meredith, what a lovely, uplifting post! I can't tell you how excited I am to have you blogging with us today. I haven't been able to get my hands on your book, but you can count me in as a huge fan. I think I may have already told you how I literally stumbled across The Duke of Shadows while surfing the web, and read an excerpt. I was totally captivated, and immediately put the release date on my calendar. I preordered your book through Amazon...which means I won't get it until later this week. I was so anxious to get my hands on it, that I stopped by my local B&N, but they didn't have it (I asked them to order a bunch of copies!).
What you said about approaching writing with a sense of optimism and faith is so true...how can anything good come from an attitude of frustration and despair? It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. I also love hearing stories about writers helping writers. I first came to know Sam Hunter when I sent her a blind email asking for advice about a manuscript, and she was so amazingly kind and helpful to me. I really believe that good begets good, whether it's in how you approach your writing or how you approach life.
Congratulations!
I forgot to add...congratulations on your release!! It's very exciting! I hope that you'll be at the national conference and that you'll be participating in the booksigning. Duran...Foley...we should be fairly close together. I have a good friend, Denise Eagan, whose debut novel came out in December, so maybe it'll be Duran, Eagan, Foley, all near each other. Fun, fun!!
So true!
"Faith, as I see it, is a choice one makes in how one sees the world and one’s work. It is the refusal to approach writing, or life, from a place of fear, cynicism, or doubt. And in my experience, it works a sort of magic on your prose. Once you decide to be hopeful, you start finding reasons that justify your hope. Once you look forward with joy, you spot good stuff waiting in the distance. Apply faith to your writing, and the story begins to lead you forward again."
Great blog, Meredith! The world view is key, IMHO. I have a bad habit of seeing only the delays, the mistakes, the rejections, not the astonishing kindness of strangers-turned-friends, the love and support that surrounds me every single day. It's about as smart as standing under a waterfall and complaining of being thirsty. Like you, I'm finding writing (and motherhood, that all-transforming experience) to be a particularly deft tool to help me hone my own attitude. Thanks for sharing your experiences, a la Laura Kinsdale, and paying it forward!
Margaret
Hi Meredith
So great to have you with us today. I love your definition of faith, especially the part about refusing to approach life and writing from a place of fear, cynicism and doubt. I worked for over a year trying to come up with a sequel to my first book, while writing other books, and finally realized that I needed to wait and grow for a bit before I could tackle those characters again and give them the story they deserved.
Thanks so much for your thought provoking post!
Those darn characters...
Quote: I worked for over a year trying to come up with a sequel to my first book, while writing other books, and finally realized that I needed to wait and grow for a bit before I could tackle those characters again and give them the story they deserved.
As a writer (unpubbed and working at smelling the roses rather than trying so manfully to change that before I'm ready), am I the only one who feels like they "owe" their characters the best possible story? Like these fictional people are off living their lives somewhere, and here we are, observing and scribbling away...
Meridith, I just bought my first ever historical last night (Sherry Thomas' Private Arrangements, another debut author) and will definitely look for your book. I love your attitude and absolutely agree-what is in your head when you write is what spills on the page.
Cari
Congratulations!
Welcome, Meredith, and thank you for a lovely post today! I'm not a writer, but love reading and love hearing about the stories behind authors' books. How true that sometimes the journey out of a darkness can make the light all the more bright. I'm glad you had an encourager in Ms. Kinsale, and it sounds like you're one yourself today!
Your book looks fabulous (and great cover!)--I'll be checking it out!
Welcome Merideth
Congrats on your new book! Now you are getting into my kind of reads. I just love historicals. Lately there has been a lot of paranormal out which I enjoy, but you just can't beat a good historical. The Duke of Shadows looks like it will be a fantastic read and I love the cover, beautiful.
Hi everyone!
Samantha, thank you for the welcome! I'm thrilled to be here.
It's hard, because even saying "I should be enjoying this" becomes one more source of pressure! LOL
This is so true, Samantha... I guess that's a facet of the problem that I forgot to address: we have this very strong idea of what writing should "feel like," and it's so easy to feel anxious (and even a little bit guilty?) when our experience isn't matching up with the ideal.
PJ, thanks so much -- am so glad you enjoyed the book! I'm going to go check my email immediately! :)
I also love hearing stories about writers helping writers. I first came to know Sam Hunter when I sent her a blind email asking for advice about a manuscript, and she was so amazingly kind and helpful to me.
Karen, yes! I'll never forget the astonishment and gratitude I felt when I saw that reply from LK. In the intervening years, I've started to believe that the romance community is just unusually generous and welcoming. I truly think we're lucky to be reading and writing in this genre. Oh -- and yes, I'll be at nationals! Can't wait to meet you.
It's about as smart as standing under a waterfall and complaining of being thirsty. Like you, I'm finding writing (and motherhood, that all-transforming experience) to be a particularly deft tool to help me hone my own attitude.
Hi, Margaret! I love your line about the waterfall and thirst -- I think I'm going to start using that! You also mention motherhood -- I've often wondered about how that would play into creativity. I mean, putting apart the major issues of fatigue and scheduling (grin), how has becoming a mother changed your relationship with writing? This is such a fascinating question -- but not one I see discussed very often...
I worked for over a year trying to come up with a sequel to my first book, while writing other books, and finally realized that I needed to wait and grow for a bit before I could tackle those characters again and give them the story they deserved.
Jeannie, this is something else I've been thinking about -- the necessity of occasional periods of (apparent) inaction. I can't remember where I read it, but while surfing the web one day, I came across a quote from a novelist who mentioned that for the longest time, when he was sitting out the window daydreaming, he felt guilty for "not working." And then one day he finally realized that the daydreaming was a crucial part of his process. I think there really is something to the idea that certain stories can only be told at certain times in your life, and that they resist you until that time has come. If only deadlines worked the same way. ;)
I'm not a writer, but love reading and love hearing about the stories behind authors' books.
Fedora, I'm glad you enjoyed the entry -- I'm also really into hearing the "backstories." And I hope you're right; it would be very cool if my post encouraged someone facing the dreaded block!
The Duke of Shadows looks like it will be a fantastic read and I love the cover, beautiful
Lead bottom, that's great to hear. I hope you like the book! And I'm glad to know that the cover appeals to you. I liked it a lot, and so did my friends -- but my dad and brother, they were not so sure. LOL!
Writing and Motherhood
I'm probably not the best person to ask about this, LOL, but the most succinct answer I have is that motherhood motivated me to write. I wanted to before I became a mother but never did...did lots of other cool things, but not the thing I really wanted to be doing, which was write. Now I'm a mom, and I write.
Great Cover
Hi Meredith,
Welcome and congrats on the release of "The Duke of Shadows." I'm also another admirer of the beautiful cover. I love the premise of your book. Julian sounds like a great alpha hero. I can't wait to read the book.
Jane, you won't be
Jane, you won't be disappointed, I promise!!
Thanks, Jane; I hope you
Thanks, Jane; I hope you enjoy it!
And regarding the cover -- I have to admit, the guy's abs were so distracting that it took me a couple of days to notice the very cool minaret in the distance.
Congratulations on the
Congratulations on the release of your book! The cover is great looking!
Thanks, Estella!
Thanks, Estella!
Yay, I have it!
I stopped by Barnes & Noble on my way home and I now have a copy of Duke of Shadows in my hands...off to find a quiet spot where I can read, uninterrupted, until bedtime! Thanks, Meredith!! I'm looking forward to this!
You have what I think is the
You have what I think is the perfect type cover - just enough without giving it all away.
And I guess if you never encounter any problems you would never appreciate the good.