Stress and Showerheads
My husband and I are building a house.
I know, I've heard the horror stories about divorce. In fact, I know a couple who DID divorce after building a house. I'd like to think that they had lots of problems before they got to the arguments about granite vs. formica, but those who have built tell me the housebuilding probably exacerbated those problems, kind of like hitting an existing wound until it turned a papercut into a broken arm.
And we haven't even gotten to the nitty gritty yet. We're in the process of buying the land, and have already had lots of fun ;-) discussions over that. DH wants LAND meaning he wants to feel like he lives on another planet, far from even the hint of a neighbor. I rarely leave the four walls of the house, but when I do, I don't want it to become a ten-hour journey just to buy milk. So we have lots of uh...fun discussions about how far we'll live from civilization to have the best of both worlds. We've found a piece of land (actually two) and we'll see how one or the other works out.
We also have our house blueprints 95% of the way done. I'm still waffling over the kitchen design, and we have a few fine tune things to do once we have the land and know which way the house will be situated. This house will be about 4 times bigger than the one we're living in now, which will mean decisions about everything from the showerheads to the furniture to fill all those spaces. DH seems to think we have all the furniture we need :-).
And in the meantime, we're trying to pare down this house to get it ready to sell. Oh, it's been fun already. That's what I keep telling myself. F-U-N. I keep trying to keep the end result in mind, through positive visualization. Imagining myself in the new kitchen, cooking meals, serving friends. Maybe even hosting regular writer get togethers (hey, there's an idea, make everyone come to ME, instead of the opposite ;-).
One step at a time. Find the land. Try not to kill DH in the process ;-) Buy the land. Try not to kill DH in the process. Finish the blueprints. Try not to kill DH in the process. Start choosing countertops and showerheads. Try not to...
And in the end, we'll all be together and sipping margaritas on our back porch, watching herds of deer run through our yard. :-)
Shirley
Wow!
Congrats on this, Shirley! Such a big undertaking is sure to have stress involved, but it sounds like you're aware of that, and that's half the battle ;) Hang in there! Keep those margaritas in mind!!
Hi Shirley, Wow - that's a
Hi Shirley,
Wow - that's a big undertaking, but it can be a lot of fun! My parents pseudo built a house - they saw other houses going up and an empty lot - went to talk to the builder, and while the blueprint was already made, they got to make some changes/additions to the house. [Lots less stress.] Enjoy and - yes, keep those margaritas handy!
What a big undertaking. Keep
What a big undertaking. Keep the blender going for those drinks.
Congrats on your new house Shirley!
My husband and I are terrible when it comes to working together on the house. It's just our personalities --- he's very much a 'hurry up and get it done' kind of guy (instructions? what's that?) while I am very anal about doing everything by the book, taking each step one step at a time (and in the right order). I also tend to ask a lot of questions so I understand what is going on while my husband is pretty much looking for someone to hold things in place for him! LOL!
Which is why I tend to come back from the national RWA conference to find something major has been done around the house. We tend to work best when one of us isn’t around!
Your house plans sound wonderful…remember those margarita plans when things get too crazy!
Christyne Butler
http://www.christynebutler.com
Embrace romance . . . happily ever after guaranteed!
REILLY’S PROMISE, Samhain Publishing, in print 05.27.08
Hi Shirley
Hi Shirley, Congratulations on building your new house. I know just what you mean about trying not to kill your husband. I went through much the same thing when hubby and I moved to the middle of nowhere almost 9 years ago. Big old farmhouse, lots of acres, and no human beings within walking distance. Fights over renovations were a daily occurance. I finally figured out how to placate hubby. I gave him 2 rooms of his very own to renovate, the rest of the house was mine. Those 2 rooms kept him busy and quite happy.
By the way, his idea of decorating was to hang dead animals on the walls and make the rooms look like a mans version of paradise. Needless to say, I don't go into those rooms unless I absolutely have to.
Good Luck with your new house, and just remember, if your hubby gives you a tough time, give him a few rooms of his own to decorate. It will make him happy, and give you the freedom to decorate the rest of the house in your taste.
Have a great weekend, Hugs, Mads:)
Oooh, fun!
We went through the same thing 12 years ago when we built our house. Finding a town we liked was the hardest part, because it had to be rural but in commuting distance from Midtown Manhattan. We did find it though, and it's awesome :-)
We didn't really argue over the details of the house. My DH felt very strongly about some things that seemed silly to me at the time (lots of high ceilings) but in retrospect I really like. Mostly I just let him have his way because he cared more than I did :-)
We actually just bid on another piece of land to build on some time in the future (DH is upstairs designing his modernist fantasy house on the computer as I type this). Probably won't get it because it's a short sale, but it's got the old building juices flowing....
Jen
http://www.jenlewis.com
:)
My brother and sister-in-law went through this a few years back. I talked her off the ledge more than just a time or two. :) And then when things finally started to come together and they could see the light at the end of the tunnel, they found out they were pregnant (all that make-up sex LOL). Needless to say, she will never build another house again and discourages anyone else who is thinking about it to not, even though everything worked out in the end. I've heard others say that if you can manage to get through building a home together, you can get through ANYTHING. ;)