Welcome Guest Blogger Trish Milburn!
How Did We Get Here?
Like many Americans, I’ve watched a fair amount of news coverage on Hurricane Ike and the aftermath during the past few days. The photos show incredible destruction, the awesome force of Mother Nature. Like New Orleans before it, Galveston faces a long road to recovery. I feel for the people who have lost everything and are now displaced. Even if they still have homes, they might not be able to return to them for weeks.
But in amongst the stories of survival and lending a helping hand to those in need were glimpses at what has become one of my serious pet peeves – a sense of entitlement. I saw coverage of a woman who had already run out of food and water and was complaining because someone hadn’t brought her more. My first question was why hadn’t she stocked up more supplies than would run her two days? My next was how our country got to the point where we’re always expecting someone to come in and do stuff for us? What happened to self-sufficiency, pride in taking care of oneself and one’s neighbors, a work ethic?
This sense of entitlement permeates every aspect of society now. People complain about their lives when they’ve got it better than the vast majority of people in the world. They always expect more, that the government or the world owe them something. Here’s a news flash – they don’t owe us anything.
I honestly don’t know where this sense of entitlement came from or when it started being such a huge problem. I just wish that it would go away and people would return to pride in hard work, in earning what they receive instead of having it given to them for no other reason than they’re breathing. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for social programs that help those who are truly in need. But it’s not exactly news that those programs are constantly abused.
All that said, there are still lots of people out there in every walk of life who do understand the value of hard work, self-reliance and giving instead of taking. I see it in the romance community all the time. Authors who have made it give freely of their knowledge to newbie writers. Writers who have day jobs and families still carve out time to work toward their goal of selling their books even if they have to sacrifice time, sleep, and money to do it. They keep writing and submitting, keep believing in themselves and their stories despite a steady stream of rejection letters. Those are qualities that I find admirable. They take the publishing bull by the horns and don’t wait for Suzy Editor to show up on the doorstep with a big, fat publishing contract on a silver platter.
No matter if it’s writing or any other aspect of American life, I’m a big fan of these words by President John F. Kennedy:
“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
The word “country” works for some aspects of our day-to-day lives. But we also can place “neighbor,” “friend,” “colleague” or a host of other nouns in its place. And when we do, we’re on the right track.
So, what about you? Does this trend bother you? Am I oversensitive? Are there other pet peeves that really get on your last nerve? And on the positive side, what nice act have you witnessed recently? I’ll draw a winner at random from among those making comments. The winner will receive not only a copy of my debut release, A Firefighter in the Family, but also two other surprise books from my teetering mountain of books. You must be registered on the Love is An Exploding Cigar site to win.
Welcome Trish!
Trish, what a fantastic, heartfelt blog, and I can completely relate. I grew up watching both of my parents work hard at jobs that they didn't love but woke up every day to do in order to make a home for us, and you know, they went to work every day (working class jobs, truck driver and waitress/caterer) and they didn't complain about it. They also didn't have 401Ks or college savings funds -- they raised us, that was enough.
We didn't get the most expensive or trendy things, and that was okay. We had what we needed, and lots of love in the house. When we were old enough, if we wanted it, we learned how to pay for it, and if that meant loans or an extra job, then that's what we did. And I think for that reason my sisters and I learned to work hard to get what we want, and a lot of confidence and sense of accomplishment comes with that. I can be proud of what I've earned in life because I earned it -- no one handed it to me. I've worked in one form or another to earn my spending money from the time I was eleven. I think a lot of kids these days who have everything done for them or paid for don't learn those same lessons, through the love and good intention of parents who want their kids to have it easier than they did. But easier is not better.
Weirdly, for some reason, I'm thinking of when I went to the NYS Fair this summer, one of my very favorite buildings is the 4-H Youth Building, because you can see kids really working and learning, but there's this wonderful display of baby chicks (you can hold them -- I had one fall asleep in my hands and nearly melted on the spot...). But they have the incubator of eggs with chicks actively hatching, and my goodness those little balls of fluff work from the get go!
I was worried about some that didn't look too lively, and the young man overseeing the display told me that it can take up to 24 hours of fighting their way out of the egg, and when they come out, they are exhausted and really can't walk two inches without falling over to sleep. Somehow I think those lessons right out of the egg are the things a lot of people are missing these days. ;)
And I have to ask, because I love your cover -- I read the description, but couldn't quite tell, is your heroine the firefighter? I've done a lot of research into women firefighers, and I'm fascinated by the topic -- talk about fighting for your right to do a job.
The book looks wonderful!
Sam
More about the firefighters
What a sweet story about the chicks, Sam. Sounds like we're on the same page with this topic.
In my book, actually both my hero and heroine have worked as firefighters, and now the heroine is a state arson investigator. Her father and grandfather before her were firefighters and so are her brothers.
Trish
www.trishmilburn.com
Hi Trish!
It's so nice to see you here! I absolutely agree with everything you said, and can relate to Sam's post, too. My parents were barely 18 and 22 when they got married, with a baby on the way. My dad worked three jobs and after their third baby was born, my mom went to work, too, driving a schoolbus. My folks saved every penny and put each other through college. When I was fifteen and wanted new clothes, they told me to get a job, so I did. I worked in a nursing home every weekend and during vacations, and (this is true!) rode my bike twelve miles each way to get there. While I don't necessarily want this for my own kids, I think there's a definite lesson in earning the things that you want. My girls both do community service and I think it has really opened their eyes and made them see that there is a world outside of their small sphere, and there are people a lot worse off than they are. I think it's made them appreciate what they do have. Great post!
Reply to Karen
Hi, Karen. Thanks for commenting. You know, I think there has to be a happy medium between older generations who worked long years at jobs that didn't really bring them a lot of joy and having a life full of all the things we want but haven't worked for. I'm all for parents being encouraging of their kids and telling them they can do whatever they want (as in reaching for their dreams), but everything can't be done for them on the way to achieving those dreams. Somehow the step of having to work hard for whatever they want has gone the way of the dodo bird.
www.trishmilburn.com
So true!
Hi, Trish! *big wave!*
A sense of entitlement really pushes my buttons, too! I don't mind helping out at all and I'm all for making government or other organized assistance available to those who need the help but it drives me absolutely bonkers when people abuse that generosity or mistake being alive for being the center of the universe.
Thankfully not everyone is like that! There are still parents who warmly give my kids a hand at the playground if I have my hands full and store clerks who still truly serve with a smile and neighbors who go out of their way to drop off a little something they thought we'd enjoy :)
Thanks for the thoughtful post today, and congratulations again on A Firefighter in the Family! Can't wait to read it for myself!
Waving back at Fedora :)
Hey, Fedora. Thanks for coming by. I like that phrase, "mistake being alive for being the center of the universe." I think you've hit the nail on the head with that. It's an "it's all about me" attitude. Grr.
www.trishmilburn.com
Entitlement...
What a great post, Trish! I have to say I was reacting to this very thing on the news as well. Between the entitlement and the "rescue me" attitude...yikes. I saw a fellow on the news say, "I can't believe there was no po'leece here to help"
Um...they told you they were leaving because you could DIE...hmmm, what part of DIE was unclear? And all you had to see was the fact that this storm was around 200 miles wide. Urk!
Like the others who replied, my folks were keen on us working hard for what we wanted and understanding not only responsibility but consequences - i.e. if you buy THIS you will have to wait to earn more to earn THAT...
Anyway, I'm not sure how we'll recover from it, but we must. You're right too about the generosity of writers in the Romance community. I cannot even begin to list how many people have generously and unselfishly given of their time and energy to help me, or support a contest by judging or helping out, or serving on boards...you get the picture. It's a great community and I'm humbled to be a part of it.
Provocative post, m'dear! I'm off to swing by the Romance Bandits to say hello over there.
I know
I'm so hearing you, Jeanne. I just wanted to ask the people who didn't have supplies, "Hello, did you not see the news anytime in the past week?"
www.trishmilburn.com
Speaking of rescue workers
I think the thing that bothers me the most is when people have a choice, make the wrong one, and then won't take responsibility for it. So, with forest fires (two former colleagues of mine were HotShots out west and boy did they have some stories...), and often people refuse to leave their homes, and then rescue workers have to put their own lives at risk to rescue these people when things get bad.
It's the same for hurricanes, etc -- people act out of ignorance or pride, and then expect someone else to deal with the consequences.
It kills me when a rescue worker gets hurt or killed helping someone who should have left in the first place. That's the ultimate, IMO. I have to say, when I was watching them pull survivors out of Galveston, and some people had the gall to complain about the time the rescue took, etc, I thought, "fine, rescue them -- and add a charge of $5000 to their tax bill."
Trish, I have to get this, because I am so interested in arson investigation and women firefighters -- I'm excited. :) Did you do any on site or personal research?
Sam
I am from Canada
so we don't usually have to rescue people from hurricanes. Fires yes. I cannot understand why someone would stay when they have been ordered to evacuate. It just does not make sense to me. The cost to rescue someone could be used for clean up and rebuilding.
Every winter people put themselves at risk to rescue people who go skiing or snow mobiling in avalanche zones and get caught. In the summer it's climbers and hikers who fail to note the weather coming up or chose to ignore the bear warnings. It's like nobody told them that hey you are responsible for your own safety. Sure accidents happen but when you deliberately put yourself in danger you are also endangering others who may have to rescue you. They tried to make a user pay policy for rescue work in some of the above cases but I am not sure if it is in effect yet.
Simple acts of kindness I see every time I go out are people opening doors for other people. It is especially nice when the door opener is so young that they can bearly hold the door open but do it so mom can push even youger ones through in a stroller. They are so proud and often hold it open for others to go through as well. When you tell them Thank you the beaming smile just makes your day.
little tykes
Kaelee, that's a sweet observance about the little kids holding open doors. It's very nice to see kids with good manners and kind hearts.
BTW, I like your name. It's the name of one of my favorite TV characters (Kaylee from Firefly).
www.trishmilburn.com
My name isn't my name
but it's my husband's and my initials. If we would have been blessed with a daughter it would have been her name but we weren't blessed so it's just a name I like.
Agreeing again/research
Sam, I agree with you wholeheartedly again. You mention taxes, and that brought up a related topic that bugs me. Okay, so I don't "like" paying taxes any more than the next citizen, but I do like paved roads, public schools (even though I don't have kids, it's good to have an educated public), emergency response agencies, etc. -- things that are paid for by taxes. Are some of our tax dollars spent in stupid ways? Sure. But a lot of them go toward public-good type services too.
I'm with you on charging people for rescue when they had every opportunity not to get in that situation. It's totally different if it's unexpected, like when a tornado hits out of the blue.
As for research on the book, I did a lot of online research. Plus, I'd asked questions of the relative of a friend who'd been a firefighter, and had picked up some stuff since one of my good friends is married to a firefighter.
www.trishmilburn.com
YES!
I really agree that people who elect to do bone-headed things should really be held responsible for them--if you knowingly ignore signs telling you to keep out and wind up needing to be rescued by helicopter or Coast Guard, you ought to be billed for that service. I'm personally annoyed by the use of tax money issue right now because of the big gap between what the state government's providing and what students need in schools--because of that, public school is definitely not free. Grrr!
I have to agree with many of
I have to agree with many of the posters here! Responsibility, entitlement...I don't think I can say it better than what is already written here.
So, I'm going to get something else off my chest. :-) I belong to a Women's organization that has local, regional and international meetings. Now, while we are a women's group, we are in no way anti-male. In fact, we are very aware that we wouldn't be able to help so many people without the loving support and patience of our husbands and the other generous guys in the communities. And we even have many male members of our local clubs! At our region meetings, we always end the conference by singing (or trying to sing, LOL) Let There Be Peace on Earth. In it there is the line "Let Us Walk with Our Brothers" (or Each Other, in another verse). There are a few in the group who insist that we can't use the original words to the song...instead we have to sing "Sisters" instead. It just drives me nuts. The whole point of the song is peace, and here they are making it about gender. Don't they get it?
Okay, I'm done now. :-) What nice act have I witnessed recently? The other night I was taking the free shuttle downtown. I'm at the point in the pregnancy where it is noticeable. As I stepped on, a gentleman about my age realized there were no seats available, so he stood and offered me his. I was happy to stand, but the gesture was very sweet.
Cathy--I'm with you!
Cathy--I'm with you! That stuff drives me crazy. When I was a motorman people would try to tell me I was a motorwoman. No. The first definition of "man" in the dictionary is "member of the human race" and I qualify, so I was a motorman.
Trish--Welcome. What a timely topic. I hate that sense of entitlement you were describing. I dislike takers who have no concept of giving and they seem to be on the rise.
Jeannie
Gender issues
I don't know how many tax dollars we have spent every few years by our city aldermen trying to get their name changed to counsellors. It gets voted down every time but the time waste is soo Nuts. We don't have manhole covers either but I forget what they decided to call them in their studity. I am for equal pay for equal work but the name thing is just a senseless issue IMHO.
good grief
Oh, for Pete's sake. It's silly wastes of money like this that really irritate me. Something else that bugs me and which I'm sure takes a decent chunk of change is the renaming of roads for politicians. This caused such a controversy a few years back in my home state of Kentucky. It had been the trend to change the names of parkways throughout the state from names that identified some aspect of where they are (Green River Parkway, Cumberland Parkway, etc.), to the names of congressmen and senators. But it really raised a stink when the governor proposed changing the name of the Daniel Boone Parkway to the Hal Rogers Parkway. For all I know, Mr. Rogers is a fine public servant, but stripping the name of our foremost pioneer off a road seemed just wrong, but they did it anyway.
www.trishmilburn.com
motorman
Good points, Jeannie. BTW, I'm going to admit my ignorance. I had to look up what a motorman was. :)
www.trishmilburn.com
Going too far
Cathy, you pointed out something else that bugs me -- when a good idea goes too far. I understand that this type of insistence comes from the feeling that women are still fighting for equal rights, and in some cases we are. But I think it's a bit silly to go this far with things. Like with being PC, sometimes I just have to shake my head and wonder if people have nothing better to do with their time than think of ways to make the world PC.
That was very nice of the man to offer you his seat. Chivalry isn't dead! :)
www.trishmilburn.com
Good idea gone too far!
Exactly!
LOL - sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if people would just listen to me... :-)
The writing community
is an incredibly generous place to be -- people who work full-time jobs or have their own writing to do and nevertheless extend a hand to help, offer a crit, an opinion, some brainstorming... and then generous outside, focusing on charity, causes outside the community... pretty amazing place, and I'd included the "reading" community in that too. I've known so many readers who are so generous with their support and encouragement, and some who send me pretty knitted gifts and candy bars in the mail... *G*
There is a lot that's uplifting in the world. I think having your kids do community service is great Karen, and they babysit and such as well, right?
Sam
Writers' generosity
It is amazing, isn't it? I wonder if this is just something that makes sense considering we're a group of people who have chosen to write feel-good stories that make people happy. So we endeavor to do that in all aspects of our lives.
www.trishmilburn.com
Drawing winner
Thanks for all the comments today. The winner of a copy of A Firefighter in the Family as well as two newish books from my overflowing shelves is...drum roll please...Jeannie Watt. If you'll contact me through the Contact page on my site with your mailing address, I'll get the books out to you ASAP.
www.trishmilburn.com
YAY!
Hooray, Jeannie! And thanks again for the timely and thoughtful topic, Trish!!
Trish
Thanks for a great topic.
Jeannie hope you enjoy Trish's books as much as I am going to enjoy yours.
Oops...
Sorry I didn't catch this sooner, have been off the blog, but those of us who run Cigars can't win contests... too much like insider trading (sorry Jeannie!). Other writers who post can win, but those of us on the blog can't.... :( Believe me, it pains me, too, but I think it's pretty much the same way on most blogs.
Could you pick another winner Trish?
Thanks
Sam
My bad
Well, that's what happens when I'm doing too many things at once. My bad.
Okay, let's try this again. Cathy W. is the new, eligible winner! Just contact me through the Contact page on my site, and I'll get the books out to you.
www.trishmilburn.com
Thank you!
Wow, thank you, Trish!! This is my lucky week for books, I guess. (Kinda cruddy otherwise, to be honest.) But I love new books - and authors I haven't read before!! So, thank you very much!
Sorry Jeannie....would it help if I thought of you occasionally while I read? ;-)
Aww...
Bummers for Jeannie and the rest of you Cigars :( Yay for Cathy though :) Happy Friday, everyone!
Bummers Jeannie!
Insider Trading Sam LOL I never thought that at all. I still don't.
Cathy hope you enjoy the book I know I am going to.
Got 'em!
I got the books in the mail today! Trish was very generous and sent her book along with two others: A Little Bit Wicked and What a Lady Wants. Both are by Victoria Alexander. I'm just about to be away from my hubby for close to 3 weeks, so I'm looking forward to some great reading.
Thanks again, Trish!!!